4/26 Status Report

Jake is in good spirits. He won't show those spirits to members of the medical staff, but will show them to family and favored visitors. When the staff comes to examine him, he limits them to yes/no nods. When they leave, he talks freely (but hoarsely).

We start rehabilitation in earnest today. Yesterday they had him "walking" a bit, which is similar to when an infant "cruises" with parental assistance. The neuro-muscular wiring works, but the muscles need a lot of rehab. He'll have several hours of physical therapy and occupational therapy today, plus a little "speech therapy" (which is limited to helping him swallow thin liquids, which is his only nutrition issue). No observable (to me) left/right issues.

No kidney activity yet. For future updates, this will be noted as "ditto" until the kidneys start back up.

One strange development. Accordingly to United Health Care (our insurer), Jake's medical bills are eligible for Medicare coverage, with United providing only secondary coverage. That's news to me, but it could help us avoid the United $2,000,000 lifetime cap. I wonder if we're now eligible for the government cheese. We don't need it, but it is good cheese. Darn good cheese. Kind of a sharp Colby.


A little more hospital humor. This is the memo from hospital administration:

TO: Medical Personnel FROM: Human Resources

It has come to our attention from the emergency room that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

Cardiac patients should not be referred to with MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

Trauma patients are not FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper". Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."

HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."

The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen", nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge".

And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper, narratives and log entries.

Sincerely, Director of Human Resources